Influence is one of the most valuable workplace skills.

Whether you are leading a team, managing stakeholders, negotiating with suppliers or trying to gain support for a new idea, your ability to influence others often determines the result.

Many people assume influence is something you either naturally have or do not have.

That is outdated thinking.

Influence is a practical skill that can be developed — and often improved quickly once you understand when to use the right approach.

In most situations, successful influence comes down to recognising one key question:

Are you dealing with facts or feelings?

Why Influence Matters at Work

Strong influence skills can help you:

• gain support for new ideas
• improve team performance
• handle difficult conversations better
• negotiate more effectively
• strengthen relationships
• improve leadership presence
• reduce resistance to change

Leaders who influence well often achieve more with less friction.

Step One: Identify the Situation

Before trying to persuade someone, ask:

Is this a fact-based issue or a feeling-based issue?

Fact Situations Include:

• budgets
• proposals
• processes
• timelines
• purchasing decisions
• operational improvements

Feeling Situations Include:

• frustration
• resistance
• fear of change
• motivation problems
• conflict
• personal concerns

This distinction matters because different situations require different skills.

The Four Core Influence Skills

1. Reflecting

Used in feeling situations where the other person needs to feel heard.

Reflecting means listening carefully to the underlying concern, not just the spoken words.

Example:

“I can hear that you’re frustrated about how this was handled.”

This often reduces defensiveness and opens better discussion.

2. Asserting

Used in feeling situations where you need to communicate your own expectations clearly.

Asserting is not aggression.

It is calm, clear communication about standards, needs or boundaries.

Example:

“I need this completed by Friday, and I need confidence it will be accurate.”

Strong leaders are often respectfully assertive.

3. Questioning

Used in fact situations.

Ask open, non-threatening questions to gather useful information.

Examples:

• What led to this recommendation?
• What risks should we consider?
• What alternatives were reviewed?

Good questions often create better decisions.

4. Suggesting

Used in fact situations when presenting ideas or recommendations.

Strong suggestions are usually supported by logic.

Example:

“I recommend Option B because it reduces cost, improves efficiency and can be implemented quickly.”

Reasoned proposals carry more weight than unsupported opinions.

Common Workplace Mistake

Many people use the wrong style.

Examples:

Using Logic in an Emotional Situation

Trying to reason with someone who feels upset or threatened.

Using Emotion in a Practical Decision

Becoming forceful when evidence is what is needed.

Matching the skill to the situation is where influence improves.

Practical Leadership Examples

Team Member Performance Issue

Use:

Reflecting + Asserting

Business Case for New Budget

Use:

Questioning + Suggesting

Resistance to Change

Use:

Reflecting first, then Suggesting

Supplier Quality Problem

Use:

Asserting + Questioning

What Strong Leaders Do Differently

They pause before reacting and ask:

• Is this fact or feeling?
• What does this person need right now?
• Which communication style fits best?

That small pause often changes outcomes significantly.

Final Thought

Influence is not manipulation.

It is the ability to communicate effectively so better outcomes become possible.

The more accurately you read the situation, the more powerful your influence becomes.

Sometimes success is not about talking more.

It is about using the right skill at the right time.

Attribution

Originally written by Bob Selden. Updated and republished by HR-INFO for today’s workplace environment.
https://bobselden.com/